Has anybody escaped an emotional abuser? I left my parent house the beginning of July 2021. I was dying inside and couldn’t cope so I finally decided to leave and it felt like I was ripping out a part of me. I felt like I couldn’t be independent or survive without this parent in my life. And now, I’m doing better in some ways and worse in others. Nightmares are flooding my night, I’m afraid to sleep. Every small thing turns me on high attention mode. If somebody starts whispering around me, I instantly think I did something wrong that they are going to get mad at me, and I’m so afraid I get physically sick. This parent is affecting all my relationships and my mental well-being even though I escaped the house, I can’t get them out of my head. So much baggage and I feel so alone, like nobody will ever understand what I’m struggling with. Sometimes I wish I was physically abused so I had physical proof of the trauma I’ve been through…. Because nobody can see the scars left on your mind.

What has been your experience with getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship, family, friend, or partner.

one-abuse-survivor:

[Image description: five slides with black text over a grey background that read as follows:

Gaslighting by abuser parents looks like… “You’ve always been like this. You’ve always had trouble remembering things. You’ve always loved making up stories. You were a crazy/evil child.” Acting friendly and casual around you right after abusing you, as though nothing just happened or it wasn’t a big deal. “You’re crazy/delusional/imagining things.” “That never happened. And if it did, it wasn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.” “You’re a liar. You’re trying to make me look bad.” “Oh, yeah, [victim] will be spending the weekend with us!” (Pretending everything is normal even after you’ve tried to set boundaries such as cutting them out of your life). “I don’t know what I could’ve possibly done to deserve this treatment from you.” (Acting clueless, hurt, and like they genuinely don’t know why you’re hurt/mad even after you’ve opened up to them about the pain they caused you).

In reality… You’re not crazy. You’re not “delusional”. Your memories aren’t lying to you: your abuser is. You’re not lying to make them look bad: lying is something you consciously DECIDE to do, and all you’ve decided to do is be honest about your feelings and memories. They know perfectly well what they’ve done to you. They remember. They just want you do doubt your perception and memory to have control over you and to ensure you can’t hold them accountable. No one knows you better than you know yourself. No one has a right to decide what “actually” goes on inside your own mind. End image description]

These are just some examples of things abusers say to make you doubt your perception and memories of their abuse (taken from personal experience and the stories of people who have messaged me). Feel free to add your own examples if they’re not listed here and if you want to help spread awareness about what gaslighting looks like!

What does guilt-tripping by abusive parents look like?

What does victim-blaming by abusive parents look like?

For more information on gaslighting by abusive parents, check out this video about how the 11 warning signs of gaslighting are represented in Tangled

depresseddisneyprincess:

the-diary-of-a-failure:

Today I wanted to share some tips on how to make studying easier despite mental illness. I chose to mention anxiety and depression specifically because it’s what I have experience with.

• Give yourself time -I know this one is easier said than done, especially when your illness makes you procrastinate. But this will help you fight overwhelm so much I promise. Try to start doing things as soon as you can. Talk yourself into starting. Just starting, nothing more.
• Divide tasks into smaller chunks -If you give yourself time, then you can work small piece by piece. Writing 10 page essay is overwhelming as hell but knowing you have to write a few words per day or just do research will help you dial the feelings down a bit.
• Just start -Tell yourself you have to do this just for 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes. Nothing bad can happen to you in 5 minutes. This will get you started and once you’re in it and going, you should be able to continue for a lot longer.
• Something is better than nothing -You might not be able to memorise all 20 pages or write the entire essay right now, but if you start and learn one page or write half a page, you’re already moving forward.
• Done is what we’re going for -Just get it done. Not perfect, not even good. Just done. Because sometimes it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
• It’s never as important as it seems -Things always seem huge and scary but ultimately, it’s never that bad. Hell, if you really zoom out you’ll realise the most important thing is just staying alive and a bad grade isn’t going to kill you.
• Priotitize -Sometimes you just won’t have the energy to do everything, so pick the most important ones and leave the rest. You might come back to it later, you might not.
• Ask for help if you need it -Ask teachers, ask friends. Know you’re not alone.
• Be kind to yourself -Do not beat yourself up over failing things or feeling like you’re not doing as well as others. Just realise that unlike healthy people, you’re dragging this huge boulder. Sometimes lighter, sometimes heavier, but it’s always an extra weight. And yet you’re running the same race and you’re surviving. You should be proud of yourself.
• Relax properly -Make time for yourself. Do things that doesn’t involve mindless scrolling. Get all the rest you need.

I hope I helped and have an amazing weekend.

luminous-studiess:

(disclaimer: this is from purely personal experience and is not a substitute for seeking professional help. these are just personal tips as i was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the third year of college, but had been showing symptoms even in high school. different methods help for different people, but i really hope some of these things can help a struggling student out, because one of the reasons i went on studyblr in the first place was that i felt really lost and anxious.)

1. done is better than none.

sometimes an assignment you have to turn in would be objectively easy to complete, but it takes longer to do so because you’re afraid that the final product won’t be as good as you want it to be, or as good as a professor expects it to be. it’s hard to remove those expectations, but it is a little easier when you remember that getting some points (no matter how many they are) are better than getting a deduction for late submissions or not turning in the project at all. many people – including myself – suffer from perfectionism in university, but it is overall more important to complete something to the best of your own ability, and learn from the feedback on the project later on.

more importantly, often, you’re doing better than you think you’re doing, so surprise yourself. you can do it. just start. 

2.  keep careful track of your deadlines. 

much of my undergrad anxiety came from the fact that i knew something was due, but couldn’t keep track of it, or didn’t want to confront it. it’s better to confront it because you have more time to do it slowly and thoroughly. as soon as you hear about an impending exam or paper deadline, keep track of it. personally, i use google calendar. from there, you can make smaller plans and break down your goals to make it more doable!

3. don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

there used to be a huge stigma against mental illness, but thankfully, many educational institutions are much kinder and more considerate about it. if you really can’t meet a deadline or come to class, let your professor know. most professors are kind, reasonable people who genuinely care about you and your well-being. even one of my scariest professors granted extensions to a girl who was genuinely struggling with serious depression, and the college of law i’m in takes mental health very seriously to the point that they instruct faculty how to deal with such cases. 

if you’re not able to talk to a professor, try to ask help from a classmate or a friend who can share notes or fill you in on how they accomplished a certain assignment. many people will be happy to help. you are not a burden, love.

4. be kinder to yourself. 

mental illness is like any illness. it often keeps us from doing as well as we’d like to be because it’s a genuine and serious health problem. sometimes it helps to keep this in mind when we flub a report in class (as i did several tens of times in undergrad), get a bad score, say something ridiculous during recitation, or mess up a paper. it’s okay to do your best while you heal. you know you’re trying your best, and slow growth is still growth.

5. on that note, care for your other needs. 

one of my happiest and most fulfilled semesters (even though it was my busiest) was when i had time to see a psychiatrist, run, pack lunches and fruit to school to eat healthy, and have a reasonable-ish sleep schedule. this was during my thesis semester. while i had to take an incomplete, and finish my thesis the next sem, because i was attending to my own needs, i felt like a living, breathing, learning, happy person. and i finished my thesis the next semester. it’s better to look after your own physical health and needs before your academics.

6. sometimes, it’s better to do nothing and rest. you deserve it. 

part of the reason i’d been doing horribly in law school was that i didn’t sleep and it was making me mildly unbalanced and incredibly suicidal; not to mention the fact that i wasn’t really retaining any information or performing well.

rest days are just as important as days when you study because rest IS productivity. 

7. take your meds. see your psych or therapist if you have one. avail yourself of mental health services on campus if there are any. these genuinely saved my life at a time that i thought i was beyond saving. please go seek help if you can. 


BONUS: MY STUDY SETUP ON A TERRIBLE MENTAL HEALTH DAY (like today)

- i try to clear the space and clean up as much as possible. it makes me feel like i have things under control, and have my work things where i can see them.
- i eat something healthy, like fruit, and get a lot of water. i keep a water jug on my desk because it clears my thoughts and helps me replenish the fluids lost from crying (1/2jk). it also really keeps up my strength for the study process.
- i turn on a calming playlist, like a jazz or lofi or ghibli playlist. in another window, i turn on a rain sound video on a softer volume, and it helps center me.
- it helps when you have a soft or calming scent to calm you down. i use a lavender room spray, and it makes me feel cozy and productive, but in undergrad, i used this tea-tree lavender mix and it smelled like sunny afternoons and guitar coffeshop playlists. it really is nice.
- there are breathing exercises and gifs all over the internet. they help calm you down when things seem Too Much. 

i really hope this helps, guys. don’t hesitate to message me if you’ve been having a hard time with school or life or anything. please, please care for yourselves. you can do it. 

– sam

eunoiamaybe:

- get dressed and style your hair as if you’re going to school/work - even use the same perfume/ cologne as you normally do 
(trick your mind into being motivated)

- plan things out - everything
(plan out your week, day, meal, etc. you can make these as specific as you’d like. this will help you stay on top of your work as well as stay healthy, especially if you live alone.)

- make studying/ working the first thing you do each day - best if you can start in the morning
(minimize the tendency to procrastinate)

- just start - don’t worry too much about perfecting or finishing anything yet
(if you don’t start then there’s nothing for you to perfect or get done. and it will never get done)

- listen to old and simple (aka non-distracting) podcasts, Youtube videos, or café/ chattering white-noise, etc. simply leave them as background noise to create an illusion of being outside your room
(bring the presence of people to you. my favorites lately have been slam poems from 2016, Mae Martin’s stages, and Awsten Knight’s crackhead podcasts)

- set timers, for both study sessions and breaks
(so that you don’t overwork, burn out, or procrastinate. the Pomodoro technique works great here)

- take advantage of the comfort of your own home
(light a candle, have crunchy snacks, play loud music, review notes out loud while pacing around, wrap yourself in a blanket burrito, study on your bed if you can focus there like me, etc. basically anything you can’t do in a classroom, office, or the library)

- if you miss your friends, call/ text/ facetime them, make a study group chat with them, etc.
(that is what technology is for)

- choose recreational activities/ self-care for your breaks instead of going on social media
(go on walks, make small art, play an instrument, stretch, take a nap, etc. I usually reach for my guitar, brainstorm writing ideas, or sketch very simple line art.)

- if you want to go on social media, do it during meal times - or the 15 minutes after your meals that you can’t work just yet
(it also doesn’t make you feel like you’re wasting time)

- study in different rooms for a change of scenery
(dining room, living room, the patio, etc. I have an armchair next to the window that I study in whenever I need some sunlight and don’t have to write anything down. however, if you need a designated place to focus on your work, you can also use these alternative spaces as designated “relax” or “creative” place for your breaks)

- use this as an opportunity to take care of yourself
(get enough sleep, drink water, exercise, talk to your family, take your meds, be mindful of your mental health, etc.)

Feel free to add your tips. The current situation sure is unpleasant but it is unavoidable. All we can really do now is take care of ourselves, others, and try to make the best out of this.

Good luck to everyone and stay safe! My heart is with you all 💕

undasrego:

How to remain productive with online classes:

A few tips from a broke neuro-divergent academic

• Try and wake up early, and go to bed early too. I’m not saying get up at 5 (unless that’s you’re thing) but sleeping into noon is a productivity blackhole. I go for 8 or 8:30, generally, but that’s just what works for me.
• Get dressed for the day. I’m not talking like, jeans and a business casual outfit, but a clean pair of sweatpants, fresh underwear, and a new shirt can really put you in the mood for a new morning.
• Have a workspace. Whether it be the kitchen table, a desk, a spot on the floor with a lap desk, have a place that’s dedicated to your work. Have items that signify that workspace too, like your book, planner, laptop, lamp, whatever. It can help you get into the zone, being in that space.
• Have a morning drink. I choose earl grey tea with honey and cream, but black coffee, herbal tea, lemon water, whatever works for you is awesome, as long as itll wake you up and start your day.
• To do lists. To do lists and to do lists and more to do lists. I have three. One is a post it weekly planner deal (3.99 at a local grocery store). it’s a weekly spread already set up, and if you’re anything like me, its really hard to set up a weekly spread. Then I have an app called Ike. I have a daily to do list I write on that app, and then I have four more to-do lists of what I have to for each specific class.

• Spread out your assignments. Don’t overwhelm yourself. If you’re professors are like mine, and have the due date for each module as Sunday at midnight. What I do is spread out all my assignments from Monday to Saturday, and I leave Sunday blank, so anything I didn’t do that week, I finish on Sunday. It works for me, it might work for you.
• Have a folder for each class, and a notebook for each class. I hate spending money, I’m broke as hell, sono al verde as the Italians say, but a 0.99 cent folder and a 0.25 cent notebook can do wonders for motivating one to fill them up.
• Study with a drink. Tea, water, coffee, whatever, but my go to is generally a warm drink. I cannot study if I’m cold, I get tired and groggy, so warm socks, a robe, and a hot drink really keep me going.
• Take breaks. Make time for your hobbies, for something fun. Working without stopping absolutely destroys my motivation, and let me tell you, when I feel like that, an episode of Avatar and a snack gets me right back on the wagon.
• Do self check ins. Does your back hurt? Are you sad? Stressed? Do you have to pee? Are you hungry? Never put your homework over your health. You won’t be able to get anything done well anyway if you’ve got those blocks.
• Most importantly, get enough sleep. I beg of you. Sleep is so important, and it’s the game changer, at least to me. We as students have such an amazing opportunity to get more sleep than we ever have before during the year. Take advantage of that.

werelivingarts:

Hi, I’ve been a foodie all of my whole lives and here are some of my best favorite snack recipes that help me to recover from energy drain. Also remember to reward yourself with snacks no matter how big or small your achievement is! 

If you prefer to have a drink, then ice cafe mocha is a good choice to try out. If you crave savory today, then try out guac + chips! Feel free to modify the recipes to fit your taste and needs! 🍪☕️🍫🍞🍙

trashy-greyjoy:

Young Adult

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo (are you shocked?)

• ragtag group of misfits
  
• an impossible heist
  
• bi, pan, gay, poc, and disabled mains (amazing)
  
• its literally the breakfast club meets ocean’s eleven

An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

• ancient rome inspired
  
• gladiator trials
  
• a rebellious slave girl
  
• an ancient evil spirit
  

This Savage Song by Victoria Scwab

• actual monsters vs humans
  
• warring families
  
• beautiful writing
  
• no romance
  

Adult (ish)

A Darker Shade of Magic by VE Schwab

• blood magic
  
• parallel londons
  
• pirates
  
• literally no one is hetero
  

Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson

• what if the dark lord won?
  
• alchemy magic
  
• group of misfits perform a heist (sound familiar)

Graphic Novels

Rat Queens 

• elven mage, dwarf warrior,  atheist cleric, and halfling theif fight monsters
  
• queer
  
• the sass
• its great
  

forgotsecondbreakfast:

Assassins / fighting / traINING SEQUENCES

to satisfy your need for a good training montage 

• Graceling by Kristin Cashore 

set in a society where members are ‘graced’ with one specific power, we follow a girl who is graced in killing, and working for a corrupt king

main is fcking kick ass as hell, lots of training fight sequences that you can pretend have a dope soundtrack

• A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab - 

Lila fucking Bard??? And her knives?? Just read it, this series is killer and the main has the same obsession with her knives as I have with her p.s. you get magic competition montages what more do u want in life 

• Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo - 

NiNA and INeJ. This book has a rotating PoV system, and of the two main girls one is a gorgeous waffle loving sorceress and the other is a fucking knife wielding acrobat that will fill your need for sneaky sneaky spy/assassin types 

• The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner -

In the later books you get some thicc duels on training grounds that will make you shit yourself so not quite a sequence but read it anyways ok 

• Nevernight by Jay Kristoff - 
  

Assassin training sequences like you’ve never fucking seen please read it and love it 

Le feminine and strong main 

To satisfy your need for more gals who are allowed to have both strength and femininity 

• The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh - 

queen of your life stuns everyone with her gorgeousness and the reader with her strength?? 

• Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo - 

coming at ya fast for a second time, Nina is girly af and also loves waffles which is just a perk you’ll love her i promise 

• Fire and Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore - 

the main in this book is a monster known for her unearthly beauty which makes men go mad when they see her? Also she is v feminine and soft and loves children and wants babies and is STILL SO STRONG THANK YOU for this amazing portrayal

• Falling Kingdoms by Morgan Rhodes -  

Cleo is a pretty fcking princess and a romantic and is strong thank you v much 

• The Demon King by Cinda Williams Chima - 

Raisa goes to SO MANY BALLS and has crushes on boys and never shuns her femininity this is so important. 

• The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner - 

The goddamn Queen of Attolia she wears dresses and runs a kingdom what more do you want 

Le Romance 

enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, sexual tension

• The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner -

Never will you be so wrecked over such subtle romance I’m not gonna spoil and tell you which trope is going on but I just need to plug this series every day so have it in every category 

• Fire, Graceling, and Bitterblue by Kristen Cashore - 

all of these have romance and all of them are GOOD COMMUNICATIVE HEALTHY romances you’re welcome (ft. sexual tension on training grounds, star crossed lovers, and CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD)

• Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo - 

fucking coming at ya again here we are lotsa good romances in this just go for it it’s clearly a winner psst. enemies to friends to lovers trope 

• Falling Kingdoms by Morgan Rhodes - 

le enemies to lovers trope coming at you STRONG if you’re that kind of trash read it 

• The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh - 

again, the enemies to lovers thing played out BEAUTIFULLY 

• Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor - 

urban fantasy featuring that otherworldly romance that you know you ate upppp p.s. romeo and juliet sorta deal 

• Trick by Natalia Jaster - 

that whole “they get on each others nerves forever and bicker and then fall in deep love” shit (p.s. this is a little more nsfw but not as much as…..)

• Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat - 

ENEMIES TO LOVERS THIS BOOK IS THE EPITOME OF IT JUST READ IT (p.s. explicit graphic content)

• Nevernight by Jay Kristoff - 
  

Oh boy there’s some romance here it’s v nsfw also lgbtq+ rep and just all around how many tropes do u want bc shit it really does it all in the best way thx

• The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller -
  

A retelling of the Iliad it’ll tear your heart out read it read it now I beg you 

• The Tiger’s Daughter by  K. Arsenault Rivera - 
  

Lgbtq+ !! just some gay princesses in love in an Asian-inspired fantasy setting with demons and everything you could ever want